As a Freeper Might Say: Triple Bag Barf Alert

How Can We Not Love Obama?
by some idiot @ Esquire

Before the fall brings us down, before the election season begins in earnest with all its nastiness and vulgarity, before the next batch of stupid scandals and gaffes, before Sarah Palin tries to convert her movie into reality and Joe Biden resumes his imitation of an embarrassing uncle and Newt and Callista Gingrich [FIG.1] creep us all out, can we just enjoy Obama for a moment? Before the policy choices have to be weighed and the hard decisions have to be made, can we just take a month or two to contemplate him the way we might contemplate a painting by Vermeer or a guitar lick by the early-seventies Rolling Stones or a Peyton Manning pass or any other astounding, ecstatic human achievement? Because twenty years from now, we’re going to look back on this time as a glorious idyll in American politics, with a confident, intelligent, fascinating president riding the surge of his prodigious talents from triumph to triumph. Whatever happens this fall or next, the summer of 2011 is the summer of Obama.

Due to the specific nature of his political calculus, possibly not a single person in the United States ā€” not even Obama himself ā€” agrees with all of his policies. But even if you disagree with him, even if you hate him, even if you are his enemy, at this point you must admire him.

NO. No, I don’t. To be quite frank, I despise “Obama.” And I put that in quotes because I’m referring to his public persona, not the private man. For all I know, Obama could be a great father and a great friend when he’s away from the cameras. As soon as you stick him before a microphone, however, he becomes a Grade A jackass. And you know what? I don’t particularly feel like putting a more polite spin on that. Telling us, the American people, that we just aren’t paying attention and attacking those who happen to be successful in order to appease your envy crazed, supremely entitled base is jackassery at its finest.

I’ll tell you what, though: I don’t hate “Obama” as much as I hate his followers. And here, I’m not talking about those well-meaning moderate liberals and left-leaning independents who surround SABR Matt in New York. I’m talking about the Obamabots. I’m talking about the people I’ve run into on Facebook who regularly launch Two Minute Hate sessions against Republicans for the stupidest things — and at the same time refuse to accept, despite the overwhelming evidence, that Obama is not The One We’ve All Been Waiting For. (Sorry, guys. Jesus is The One.) I’m talking about the people – like the author linked above – who swoon over Obama’s supposed verbal virtuosity and give him credit for things he doesn’t deserve credit for. (Osama bin Laden? All right, so Obama did say yes to taking him out. But the real hot shots there were the members of SEAL Team Six. Go Navy Bean!*)

With apologies to the author(s) of the “Chuck Norris Facts”: If you can see SEAL Team Six, they can see you. If you can’t see SEAL Team Six, you are seconds from death.

I hate the Obamabots like poison because they insist on demanding that I luuuuuuurve their Savior for no damn good reason. With all due lack of respect (and in the parlance of the Uncharted Territories): FRELL YOU.

*This is an old family joke that dates back to when I was about two. Apparently, I shouted this one day while my parents were watching the Army/Navy game.


One thought on “As a Freeper Might Say: Triple Bag Barf Alert

  1. I'm desperately trying to figure out what Obama has done in these scant 2.5 years that justifies such fawning devotion. Economic savior? How can that be when our economy is in the toilet and not getting better and when we're about to hit the Greece mark on the “you're screwed-o-meter” of debt to GDP ratio?

    Social crusader? For what? The right to murder defenseless infants in the womb on demand? The “constitutional” guarantee to free government hand outs? The right to equal(ly lousy) access to Health Care as deemed appropriate by a Federally appointed board of non-doctors? What has Obama done in his term that does more than SOUND virtuous? What has he done socially that actually has improved ANYONE'S lives?

    Nuclear disarmament? Um…have we even decommissioned a single nuke since he took the oath? Nope, but the UN loves him so he gets a Peace prize?

    International security with an eye toward improving our standing with the rest of the world? Um…the countries that hate us…still hate us and always will so long as misinformation and propaganda fill the heads of the youth in disadvantaged places where freedom doesn't exist and neither (as a result) do jobs. But we sure have pissed off our long-term allies…you know…England, France, Israel, Germany, Norway, Sweden, the Ukraine…the civilized nations of the world who've been our allies since at least WWII (and in some cases, much longer). Obama thinks good diplomacy is handing the British crowd an iPod full of his speeches and telling Israel that it should be cowed by terrorists into giving up land.

    Even lefties have to see that Obama has failed to do most of the things he promised to Gitmo is still open and producing leads that LEAD TO THE DEATH OF BIN LADEN. War criminals are still being tried by the military. We're still using torture when necessary…and we're still dropping bombs all over the middle east…in fact he's gotten us into three engagements now…Libya, Lebanon and Afghanistan (while we're now saying Iraq will need a standing army of at least 10 thousand troops despite his calls for an end to that engagement).

    Progress on climate change? You lefties love that crap. Where is it? You had two years to do something about it with gap and trade or some other meaningless expensive gesture and even you realized it was stupid.

    So what has Obama done. Tell me ONE THING he's done that should earn my respect other than getting elected.


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