This is a personal (rather than a strictly political) post, but I’m hoping some folks out there will find it useful. After all, I experienced the all important “click” in my discernment process after reading another blog post with a similar theme.
At any rate: It has taken me thirty-three years, but I think I finally know what God wants for my life. He wants me to be a mother – specifically, a stay-at-home mother – and a keeper of a domestic church. Really, as I look back on my life now, it all makes sense. First of all, God provided me with a wonderful example – Mom – whose nurturing presence at home allowed Matt and me to flourish. Secondly, I have always enjoyed the company of children and teens. Indeed, I consider my daily interaction with young people to be the best feature of my current occupation. Third, I’m addicted to Supernanny. Laugh if you wish, but I love watching Jo Frost screw those overly-indulgent parents’ heads on straight. And that brings me to point number four: I have developed strong opinions regarding how I personally would parent if I were given the opportunity. I know what I’d use for discipline, what family traditions I’d create and/or perpetuate, and what I’d do to ensure my children receive an excellent education (two words: home school). Why the heck have I devoured a ton of Catholic parenting books and home schooling curricula if not because I will one day use them? (Of course, I’ll have to discuss all of these things with my future husband, but it’s my hope that I’ll find someone who’s mostly on my page.)
It’s all perfectly obvious — but to be honest, I’ve been resisting God’s call. I’m not a careerist, nor am I one of those Malthusian doomsayers who fears exacerbating the “population bomb.” I’m just — uninterested in dating. Beats me why this is. It could be hormonal — a theory I will try to either prove or disprove the next time I visit my doctor. It could also be psychological — a persistent low-level depression and/or a self-consciousness regarding my crippling arthritis. And it could be philosophical — i.e., I just don’t care for the modern-day meat market. Whatever’s going on, I’ll have to do some work to resolve it. Because yes — now that I’ve finally discovered God’s plan for my life after decades of doubt and dithering, I’m actually looking forward to it. I think it’ll be intellectually challenging and infinitely fulfilling.
To anyone who is still confused about her own vocation: Think about the patterns that have unfolded in your life and definitely spend time talking to God about what it all means. You – like everyone else on this planet – are here for a reason. Your task is to discover what that reason might be.