Never Have I Felt Such Pure Disgust

Have you heard? The Obama campaign is now offering a line of oh-so-trendy e-cards bearing messages such as the following:

Excuse me while I barf up a couple feet of intestine.

First of all, where do they get the $18,000 figure? The only way that could possibly be valid is if we assume that: 1) most women are completely without prescription coverage when it comes to their birth control; 2) most women, out of medical necessity, must use the newer, more expensive forms of contraception. Both premises are patently ridiculous.

Secondly, even if it were true that most women rack up a lifetime cost of $18,000 for their birth control, that’s actually not as crippling as it seems, and I’ll show you why: I have to pay about $30 a month right now for the medication I take for my rheumatoid arthritis. That doesn’t look too bad, does it? But as it turns out, that totals up to a lifetime cost of over $20,000! Oh my God! Why isn’t anyone rescuing me?

Here’s the bottom line: If we accept the Fluke/Planned Parenthood statistics, women pay $1000 a year for their birth control. That works out to about $83 per month, or about $3 per day. How much do you pay per month for your cable and internet? How much do you pay per month for your phone’s talk/text/data plan? How much do you pay per month for coffee or lunches out? And why the hell is the left so allergic to budgeting and setting priorities?

Thirdly, if $83 per month really isn’t within your reach financially, I think it is far better, morally, to ask your mom for assistance than it is to ask Joe American, Generic Health Insurance Customer. I know, I know — sometimes it sucks to be dependent on your parents. On this, I speak from personal experience. But in a rightly ordered society, aid should come from the family and the local community first and foremost. Why? Because the people in your family and your community actually know you, can tailor their charity to your individual needs, and are less likely to begrudge the money they spend on your behalf. I, on the other hand, deeply resent that I must bankroll strangers’ sex lives with my insurance premiums, especially since I make a yearly salary that falls well below the national median and must purchase my health insurance coverage myself.

Fourth – and lastly – we women are not giant ovaries with arms and legs, and it fills me with a white-hot burning rage whenever Obama and his surrogates treat us as if we are. You know what worries me? My severe rheumatoid arthritis, number one. My anxiety and depression, number two. And let’s not forget the crown and the wisdom tooth extraction I will have to pay for in the next few months! My reproductive system does show up on my list of health concerns, but it’s ranked near the bottom. Yet Obama expects me to jump for joy at the thought of having access to “free” contraception? Kiss my ass, Mr. President. Giving a girl the birth control pill is not genuine, holistic women’s health care.